It is a fool who undervalues the mighty crisp. The jewel of the snack selection, a crisp is a unifier in a divided world. Crisps, as well the Ventrilocrisp knows, are a pacifier of the blackest hearts.
Every man, woman and child has a sweetheart crisp: a darling, hand-picked from the flock by raw instinct, without apparent rhyme or reason. For crisp selection is a window to the soul.
And so the Ventrilocrisp will lift the mask (if it may) to outline the basic principles which underscore these reviews:
1. The Ventrilocrisp refuses to confine crisps to a reductive rating system, with all crisps bound to the same criteria. Don’t expect a lazy point score here. Instead, you’ll find long-form thoughts and discussion, as well as rumination on the holistic value of a crisp. The Ventrilocrisp will pay particular attention to how crisps brand themselves, going well beyond the arbitrary categorization of its competitors. Here, you’ll gain a broader, more fulsome sense of who the crisp really is.
2. A crisp’s meaning is governed by the context in which it is eaten. Our appreciation of the crisp is tied irrevocably to its setting. A crisp might be a taste of the glory days; the representative of a certain mood; it may bring out a different side of the consumer. The same crisp will fare differently according to where and how it is eaten, and the Ventrilocrisp will always take this into account.
3. The Ventrilocrisp does not discriminate against non-potato varieties of crisp: the corn-based snacks, chickpea puffs, lentil curls, mini cheddars, pretzel bites and quinoa crisps that lie under the vast umbrella of the crisp category are all welcome here.
4. International varieties of crisp are warmly accepted here. Although harder to come by, international varieties of crisp will, where possible, be taken into consideration. There’s a big wide world of crisps out there, and the Ventrilocrisp endeavours to see as much of it as possible.
5. The Ventrilocrisp does not believe in a big brand mentality. Rival crisp review sites favour the corporate giants of the crisp world, with the fat cats stealing all the publicity and the little guys (your supermarket own brands, your Poundshop varieties, your independent products) not even getting a look in. For the Ventrilocrisp, all crisps will exist on a level playing field. The Ventrilocrisp is the people’s review site.
6. Against hell or high water, the Ventrilocrisp strives for full transparency. The Ventrilocrisp is not here to make friends. It does not strive to be objective. It wears its heart on its sleeve, and will report its honest feelings.
7. The crisp assessment we see here comes not from a need to admonish or endorse varieties of crisp, but is governed by a vast admiration of the form.
This last point is crucial. The Ventrilocrisp stands head and shoulders above its rivals in its boundless appreciation of the crisp. The crisp world, as far as the Ventrilocrisp is concerned, is one which must be explored from every corner, perceived from every vantage point and, above all, charted and shared with the people. As we teeter on the cusp of a heathen planet, the world of crisps stands resplendent before us.